Deidara's bright idea
by The Masked Idiot
Summary: Deidara comes up with an idea to get the ichibi, and have enough time to run away. Sasori doesn't exactly like the plan though.
1. Chapter 1

**I don't own Naruto. If I did, Deidara wouldn't have been captured again in episode 280, and Sasuke wouldn't have been that big of an ass when he came up with how to destroy Danzo. **

"No"

"Come on, Danna, wouldn't this be so much more efficient hmmm?"

"No."

"Dannaaaaa, but it is more efficient, and you know it. Come on, we have a profile of him and some of his clothes and stuff hmmm", whined Deidara.

Sasori just grunted in disapproval once again. The pair had just finished extracting a bijuu and were back on the move, heading towards Suna for the Ichibi. They were close enough to the desert that surrounded Suna to feel the hot winds already.

Sasori didn't like Deidara's idea at all. He had already known that something bad was going to happen the moment the blonde brat decided to suggest something to Pein. Pein, having not really cared, had allowed the decision to be made between the two; as long as they caught the Ichibi, it didn't matter to him, which led to his current predicament.

Ever since they had ended the extraction meeting, the brat had been pestering him non-stop about the idea.

"Danna, it'll be easy and you won't have to hang around all that long hmmm, and it's not like I'm slacking on helping out, hmmm", insisted Deidara, ducking to avoid a low hanging tree branch. Persistent brat.

"Deidara, you know I hate waiting. Your plan requires me to wait for you to finish up your part", grumbled Sasori from deep inside Hiroko.

"It won't take that long, don't worry Danna mmmm. And it's not like I could do your part hmmm", persuaded Deidara, sounding like the voice of reason.

Sasori slid to his right to avoid a deep looking trench. "Why don't we stick to the original plan: you get the ichibi, I'll get my spy and put up the traps."

Deidara sighed. "How about this, Danna. If my plan fails, we use yours hmmm?"

"Deidara..." The red head inside of Hiroko sighed; why did the blonde brat have to be so damn annoying? "If I do this, and something goes wrong or you make me wait too long, I'm going to make you into a puppet, even if your style doesn't suit mine", agreed Sasori reluctantly.

"Awesome! Here, everything's inside the scroll." Deidara reached into his akatsuki cloak and pulled out a sealing scroll. "Just keep going towards Suna hmmm. I'll go intercept the jinchuuriki mmm", inform Deidara, before jumping away into the slowly fading canopy of leaves towards Konoha.

Closing his eyes briefly, he brought the scroll inside Hiroko and unfurled it. Taking out another scroll, he opened it with his chakra. When out of the second scroll popped out a vial of blood, Sasori dipped his finger in the vial and smeared it on the seal from the scroll Deidra had given him. The contents sprang out and into Sasori's lap. After Sasori sealed the vial of blood back into the second scroll, he looked down at the contents on his lap.

There were a pile of clothes, another storing scroll, albeit smaller, and some papers with a picture of a red haired boy around sixteen.

Sighing, he picked up the papers and read them quickly, occasionally glancing at the smaller storing scroll and clothes on his lap and at Hiroko's surroundings.

The first few lines on the first sheet of paper said, "Gaara was once kind and had initially tried to be friendly to others, despite their fear and hatred of him, but Yashamaru's actions and words changed him. Realising that nobody loved him, Gaara used his sand..." (1)

'Okay, I don't need to read a report about him angsting. It's a waste of time.'

Skipping ahead to his personality, he continued to read. After getting the basics of how the jinchuuriki acted, he moved onto his personal history. Apparently, the jinchuuriki of Shukaku had a deep bond with the Kyuubi jinchuuriki. The bond made him become less of a homicidal sociopath, and more open to others. The jinchuuriki tries not to rely on the Ichibi ever since that incident with the Konoha jinchuuriki, and now strives to find happiness. He became Kazekage in order to finally be acknowledged. There was more: a section was entitled background and family, but the puppet master decided to read it later. Althought from the papers, he still sounded like a more quiet, and stoic person.

It's no wonder Deidara couldn't play this part; he was practically the opposite of the jinchuuriki.

Looking around and detecting no nearby chakras, Sasori carefully stepped out of his puppet and on to the grass under the shade of a particularly large tree.

'This is so stupid', he thought to himself before stripping of his Akatsuki cloak, and dressing in the other pile of clothes.

Sighing once he was dressed, he turned towards the smaller storing scroll, and opening it, saw a giant gourd and two jars of make-up pop out.

He sighed again (he seemed to be doing a lot of sighing today), he strapped on the gourd, applied on some black make-up around his eyes, wrote the kanji 'love' on the top left of his forehead, and sat down with a piece of wood he ripped off of a tree.

Settling down, he began to carve a pair of green eyes. Once he finished, he took out his own eyes and replaced them with the green ones. After quickly surveying himself on the reflective surface of a kunai, he deemed himself ready and got up.

Taking off the scrolls on the back of his wooden body, he sealed those and Hiroko all into Deidara's sealing scroll, leaving him with just one sealing scroll and some papers in his hand.

Sasori continued to walk towards Suna once he was sure he didn't leave anything and was ready. After a while of walking with the occasional sprinting, Sasori arrived at the edge of the forest. In front of him stretched the large, sandy desert. If he had a human body, he probably would have felt the lashing hot winds and burning sun.

Hiding the papers up in front of him, he began to read the rest of it. Once done, he sealed the papers up into the same large scroll as before, and dumped it all into the large gourd on his back.

'Oh right. I need to control sand.'

Opening his wooden left chest just slightly, a hundred chakra strings shot out and quickly attached themselves to the largest clumps of sand that he could find. When he tried moving the sand, Sasori knew he was screwed.

"Damn it Deidara, one hundred grains of sand is the size of your brain; puny!" growled Sasori angrily to no one. If someone were to attack him, he wouldn't be able to use the jinchuuriki's sand attacks.

'Whatever', Sasori sighed.

Giving up on the matter, he started to walk towards Sunagakure

**(1) I got this from Narutopedia.**

**A/N: Well… I know, I should be working on my other story, but this idea was on my mind for soooo long! I know; excuses. Oh well, meh. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto**

* * *

"Kazekage-sama, I think someone is following us. What should we do?" asked a brown haired ninja with cloth covering his head and eyes.

"We're going to hurry back to Suna. If he's still following, I will confront him", stated Gaara.

"Who could be following us though?" asked a black haired ninja with a medical kit on his back.

"I don't know, Kaniha, but the person is on a large white bird filled with chakra", informed the brown haired ninja from before.

"We're going faster", deadpanned Gaara, quickening to a sprint.

The other two nodded and followed quickly. If they kept up this pace, they could reach the edge of the forest soon, and be back in the familiar hot Suna winds.

Gaara couldn't help but wonder who could be following them though. Unless it was someone who was extremely sure of their abilities, he didn't know who's else would go after a Kazekage. Could it be Naruto? No, he's not back from his training trip. Who could it be?

Well, it wouldn't hurt to be careful. Making his third eye, he sent it up towards the sky to scout out whoever was following him.

After a while of running, Gaara finally sighted their follower. Their follower had long blonde hair, with part of it in a ponytail. He couldn't see the rest of her body though; that giant bird thing's head was covering her body.

Suddenly, a horrifying thought crawled into Gaara's brain.  
What if... What if it was a fan girl? He held back a shudder. He already had fan girls in Suna, and now he's gaining some from Konoha?

The other two ninja, oblivious to their Kage's discomfort, continued their cheerful and idle chattering. That is, until Gaara's sand eye was spotted.

Quickly dispersing his eye, he turned his head towards his other two companions.

"We've been spotted. She's gaining in on us, and will reach us before we reach the desert. Prepare to fight", informed Gaara, before slowing down to a walk again.

"Kazekage-sama, why are we walking if she's gaining on us? Shouldn't we hurry back as fast as possible to Sunagakure to get a better defense?" asked the black haired ninja, confused.

"I don't want to bring a threat close to Sunagakure, Yakima", said Gaara calmly.

The other two were amazed. They had heard about how much Gaara cared for the village and its people, but this was the first time that they had seen first hand their Kazekage's love for Sunagakure and it's inhabitants.

They suddenly grinned and then both slapped a hand on each of Gaara's shoulders.

"Well, let's get fighting then, huh?" Kaniha announced loudly and cheerfully, followed by an equally loud agreement from Yakima.

Gaara's lips twitched upwards a bit before he nodded and continued walking. Not before telling them something though.

"You may take your hands off of my shoulders now."

* * *

Deidara ducked upon spotting the creepy floating eye watching him. Since he was already spotted by, he assumed, his target, there was no point in trying to move away from the eye. Instead, he settled for trying to hide his akatsuki robes in order to not arise too much panic.

Although since he was spotted now, he would have to find a new way to ambush and attack the jinchuuriki. Damn.

Once he saw the eye dissolve and float away into tiny particles, he went and stood back up on his awesome flying creation. He finally spotted his target, which was - to his surprise - walking calmly in his direction.

'Okay, I need a different plan. Should I drop a C3 on him and just end it like that? No, he might spot me before that, or escape. Set mines? Too much of a risk of being spotted. Head straight on and fight him? Bad idea: I don't exactly have an advantage in a crowded forest close to the desert. I could always... No. Just no. But... Gah! Fine. As long as Hidan doesn't hear about this, I'll do it. Just remember Deidara: this is for the sake of art and Akatsuki. Okay. I can do this.'

Deidara didn't exactly like his idea, but he'd have to live with it. Not only could this idea stall the jinchuuriki, but it would also give him a better chance of catching him. Though why was this, the only available option?

He couldn't try the other options first for fear of raising suspicion. Deidara groaned. The only thing other good thing other than the fact that this idea would probably benefit the Akatsuki and himself, was that Sasori no danna also had to dress up.

Now it was time to make a quick stop at a kunoichi clothing shop.

* * *

Deidara felt like an idiot. In fact, he was beginning to think that even Sasori no danna had it easier than him.

It wasn't like HE was the one standing in some short bright yellow dress and a beige gay-ass tank top, which apparently, "matched his hair and eyes."

It also wasn't like Sasori no danna was mistaken as a girl upon entering the shop. This was both good and bad.

He stuffed some rolled up cloth into his tank top as makeshift breasts, gathered his hair in a bun (yes, he knew how to do this), and checked himself once again in the mirror.

Dammit. Sasori definitely had it better than him.

* * *

**A/N: Well... Hm. Not much humor, sorry about that. Thank you for reading!**


End file.
